tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-38452909151961373162024-03-08T16:27:01.583+00:00100 Poems in a Day 2012Unknownnoreply@blogger.comBlogger102125tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3845290915196137316.post-29157657311608224392012-11-30T23:52:00.003+00:002012-11-30T23:52:58.420+00:00#100 - Thatcher's Fucking Headcomes shrieking out of the mist,<br />
a havoc of papery skin stretched tight<br />
over chitin and doom. The hull<br />
gongs like a dungeon door;<br />
in the empty skull a slave galley<br />
drives the infernal engines below.<br />
Fell lights glow in the occular cavities,<br />
black smoke trailing<br />
from a trepanned scalp.<br />
<br />
She clatters out of London, chewing through<br />
the Midlands, steaming North;<br />
her breath like coal and soured milk.<br />
She is iron and brass and the gut ropes of the Forever Lost.<br />
She salts the earth and makes birds drop from the sky.<br />
<br />
And still, the lash cracks somewhere deep in her throat.<br />
Bronzed men pull on oars.<br />
<br />
She advances, seething. Unknownnoreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3845290915196137316.post-40220792975753795922012-11-30T23:43:00.002+00:002012-11-30T23:43:51.231+00:00#99 - The Tinfoil Hat That Saved My CatChemtrails left his Whiskas with a metallic aftertaste;<br />
the output of HAARP set his fur on edge.<br />
Oh, he had heard the 'explanations' of counter-intelligence agents,<br />
the crackle of static and backmasking behind<br />
their every utterance and, yes, what with the flouride<br />
in the water he had once believed them,<br />
curling up by the hearth like a hairy prawn,<br />
docile, obedient.<br />
<br />
But lately, he has stiffened like a croquet hoop,<br />
hacking up listening devices:<br />
thick wet balls,<br />
bristling with antennae. <br />
<br />Unknownnoreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3845290915196137316.post-62696030581418216352012-11-30T23:36:00.001+00:002012-11-30T23:36:25.911+00:00#98 - The Untying Of Rodney O'FlanaganHis legs were in a Flemish bend<br />
His spleen was knotted end to end<br />
Unmesh his whiskers? Hell forfend!<br />
Untying Rod O'Flanagan<br />
<br />
His tongue was in a granny knot<br />
His arms had mostly been forgot<br />
Was Roddy kinkless? He was not!<br />
Untying Rod O'Flanagan<br />
<br />
His veins were in a rolling hitch<br />
His brains unspooling in a ditch<br />
His hair was, frankly, quite a bitch<br />
Untying Rod O'FlanaganUnknownnoreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3845290915196137316.post-82021113978559846912012-11-30T23:31:00.000+00:002012-11-30T23:31:05.650+00:00#97 - Down With Victims!'How many times must I show you?' barks Ranulph,<br />
a rhetorical question but honestly felt,<br />
'it's stab and then drag and then twist and then drag,'<br />
and his dagger withdraws as he peels off the pelt.<br />
<br />
'But uncle!' cries Spedwin, distressed by the violence,<br />
'o must we slay paupers and harvest their skins?'<br />
'You are stupid,' says Ranulph, and guts his drab nephew,<br />
'did nobody tell you child? He who scares, wins.'Unknownnoreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3845290915196137316.post-26518922693918883462012-11-30T23:25:00.000+00:002012-11-30T23:25:06.053+00:00#96 - The Reaper's Lonely PintWith the cowl pushed back from his bowling ball scalp,<br />
he didn't look much of anything.<br />
His talon<i> tinked</i> on the rim of the glass,<br />
and as he sank his suds<br />
the note dropped.<br />
<br />
On the ceiling above,<br />
there was a scythe just like his,<br />
but sharper.<br />
He saw his future in the horse brasses.<br />
He brushed crisps from his robe,<br />
for a moment entranced,<br />
by that briefest of novelties:<br />
a lap.Unknownnoreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3845290915196137316.post-16270545730312526262012-11-30T23:18:00.001+00:002012-11-30T23:18:25.619+00:00#95 - Before The Aftershow PartyLewis drove his Citroen Saxo through the plate glass front<br />
of a Cash & Carry, and later claimed it was all part of the show.<br />
He drank Tennants Super two cans at a time,<br />
punching blowholes with screwdrivers - told me God was alive<br />
but in hiding, a wild-eyed old man<br />
with thunder in his digits and no place to go.<br />
<br />
When he stepped onto stage, Lewis looked like a bull:<br />
red, unfeasible, snorting with karma.<br />
The audience shutterbugged, rippled and popped -<br />
they lapped that shit up; they were rapt.Unknownnoreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3845290915196137316.post-53772183970083381202012-11-30T23:13:00.000+00:002012-11-30T23:13:05.557+00:00#94 - How To Break An Owl'Don't fuck with me.' The barn owl pulls a luger<br />
as she backs towards the door. 'I shit mouse skulls.'<br />
The owl has a head that winds like a clockspring.<br />
It is cruel and delightful; a porcelain gallows.<br />
<br />
Every year the same routine; the stand-off,<br />
the armed escape. She wears her beak like a ventilator.<br />
Sometimes we applaud as she leaves.<br />
Today, she puts a bullet through the signed photo<br />
<br />
of Lonny Donegan over the fireplace.<br />
'For Eric,' she whispers,<br />
<br />
confusingly.Unknownnoreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3845290915196137316.post-84573947569045879592012-11-30T23:07:00.000+00:002012-11-30T23:07:05.265+00:00#93 - Tiny GiantsGary and Standfast live on the lip of the rail bridge,<br />
under which the Flying Scotsman passes<br />
<br />
every 46 seconds, before fluming into a tunnel.<br />
N gauge pedestrians cluster on the station platform;<br />
<br />
each one comes up to their knee.<br />
Standfast likes to lie on his side in the village,<br />
<br />
gazing into the painted window<br />
of the sub-post office, squinting at little boxes of Force,<br />
<br />
black-red daubs he imagines are Mars bars.<br />
At night, they follow the battleship grey road<br />
<br />
up to the hillside, curl up beneath elms,<br />
with cheeks pressed to the sunrise.Unknownnoreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3845290915196137316.post-32938927928789079572012-11-30T22:57:00.002+00:002012-11-30T22:57:57.591+00:00#92 - Tires That Grip DramaPeeling down B-roads in a filched milk float<br />
necking silver tops and yoghurt,<br />
singing the good old songs where men were men<br />
<br />
and goats bloated suddenly before exploding.<br />
We hit a pheasant; it shoots a confetti of brown feathers<br />
while expiring. OJ all round and another shanty.<br />
Crossing the border into Surrey,<br />
we whistle at farm girls<br />
as they gather the mangelwurzels.<br />
A stranger takes pot shots,<br />
killing Peter, my dear friend.<br />
<br />
We guzzle more yoghurts<br />
and drive for the sunrise,<br />
chiming like billy-o.<br />
I can't stop crying.Unknownnoreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3845290915196137316.post-32025144150240861662012-11-30T22:48:00.000+00:002012-11-30T22:48:16.694+00:00#91 - Better Than FirstSilver medals are chocolate wrapped in tin foil.<br />
'42% cocoa solids,' reads Agatha,<br />
'and a good thing too,'<br />
biting through the sweet locus of her penultimacy.<br />
<br />
She has a tiny bite radius.<br />
She has the blunt and useless teeth<br />
of an alpaca.<br />
One day, a javelin will find her windpipe,<br />
and for the first time,<br />
<br />
her coach will be pleased with her result. Unknownnoreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3845290915196137316.post-21575548686760340182012-11-30T22:39:00.001+00:002012-11-30T22:39:30.932+00:00#90 - Discount Solutions WarehouseShe looks like the girl next door.<br />
Next door is an empty hangar<br />
filled with burning sex dolls.<br />
The smell is like creosote and<br />
<br />
the inside of tennis balls.<br />
Sometimes I slit a tennis ball<br />
and push in a love note<br />
before gluing it shut.<br />
<br />
This week, every note read:<br />
<i>I think of you while bleeding from the eyes -</i><br />
<i>just two of the reasons why you should marry me</i><br />
<i>x</i>Unknownnoreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3845290915196137316.post-38665951382445416492012-11-30T22:35:00.000+00:002012-11-30T22:35:13.407+00:00#89 - Paddy Saves The DayLo! Here he comes! The ubermensch,<br />
as sudden as a thunder clap!<br />
With braces covering his nips<br />
and buttocks that are fun to slap!<br />
<br />
O, look out #oil and #gordonbrown -<br />
it's time the people's minds were freed.<br />
He'll tear the right wing system down<br />
and open hearts with #vibes and #weed<br />
<br />
So tremble fat cats, big wigs, pigs,<br />
The day of truth cannot be far.<br />
This humble Jesus, rolling cigs,<br />
then breaking out some air guitar.<br />
<br />
*sweet 12 minute solo*Unknownnoreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3845290915196137316.post-50582262275157909332012-11-30T22:26:00.002+00:002012-11-30T22:26:36.743+00:00#88 - The Movie PremiereTickets bunched in grubby mitts<br />
and a red carpet like a lolling tongue -<br />
these are the totems of my success.<br />
<br />
<i>Does THIS Answer Your Question, Jasper?</i><br />
is a box office smash - so many people<br />
go to see it that there is no projectionist<br />
to play the film; empty aeroplanes<br />
plunge from a violet skyline<br />
while heart monitors echo a long, flat tone<br />
through abandoned burns units.<br />
<br />
I trudge through a ghost city,<br />
no one around even to pitch<br />
a milk bottle at my head<br />
and call me bastard.<br />
This trash-blown alley is a fisheye lens,<br />
my despair comes apart like a soundstage.Unknownnoreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3845290915196137316.post-40175253962408142402012-11-30T22:16:00.002+00:002012-11-30T22:16:38.497+00:00#87 - Rebel DreamSometimes we muster by the millpond<br />
with broomhandles, storming imaginary desert compounds,<br />
moving room to room - <i>everybody on the floor!</i> -<br />
dispatching hostiles.<br />
<br />
We are very nice;<br />
we pay our taxes on time and in full.<br />
We post Christmas cards to people<br />
who post Christmas cards back.<br />
We hand in lost wallets<br />
and do not expect rewards.<br />
<br />
And sometimes,<br />
we pretend to kick shit through society,<br />
the Lord Mayor dropping in a geyser of ichor,<br />
helicopters circling town hall<br />
like fat bluebottles.Unknownnoreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3845290915196137316.post-45882821168262083902012-11-30T22:09:00.003+00:002012-11-30T22:09:22.088+00:00#86 - Cone Of IndifferenceThose around Michael stop caring.<br />
You can see their eyelids droop as they close in:<br />
<br />
at 10 metres, a mild malaise sags their features;<br />
coversation drops off, coffee cups return to saucers<br />
with a clink;<br />
at 5, breathing is arrested to a faint sluicing<br />
through the lips; pupils no longer respond<br />
to light;<br />
at 1, they flatline, slumped in their chairs,<br />
while Michael continues to monologue<br />
about rearwheel drive and the A534,<br />
his mother's healthcentre visits,<br />
<i>Game Of Thrones</i>, and on<br />
and on<br />
and ughUnknownnoreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3845290915196137316.post-20116751598610443612012-11-30T21:59:00.005+00:002012-11-30T21:59:51.272+00:00#85 - Don't Cough On My Pasta FatsoA morbidly obese maitre'd lifts silver cloches<br />
from pasta shells steaming with mozzarella grease,<br />
<br />
tagliatelle like a dead spinster's tresses,<br />
a diorama of the Seige of Leningrad<br />
made from sausagemeat and spaghetti,<br />
<br />
a tiny maitre'd, screaming, (he slams the lid<br />
back down on this one, flustered)<br />
cold carbonara with capers,<br />
<br />
a vortex, dragging at the tablecloth<br />
like a tubercular baronet clawing at his bedclothes,<br />
<br />
meatballs.Unknownnoreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3845290915196137316.post-33830072409915986222012-11-30T21:50:00.000+00:002012-11-30T21:50:14.019+00:00#84 - The Grey RoomThis is where they take the victims.<br />
You get a round of applause and a choice.<br />
<br />
One door's handle is mother-of-pearl<br />
and mewls when you touch it; the other<br />
is worn down like a hag's nose<br />
or a horrible toe - it gives beneath fingers<br />
<br />
like dough.<br />
They say one gives paradise,<br />
say one gives paramours,<br />
say one gives parrot eyes,<br />
say one gives parrot maws,<br />
say one gives a pair of dice,<br />
say one gives parrot caws,<br />
<br />
they tell you, they clap you,<br />
they clap you, they wait.Unknownnoreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3845290915196137316.post-62378884997256429082012-11-30T21:45:00.000+00:002012-11-30T21:45:02.074+00:00#83 - Fidel's CasseroleThe old soldier stands above his pot,<br />
stirring. <br />
<br />
Turkey, paprika, sweet peppers,<br />
double cream; a rich, thick pink.<br />
Pig's feet, a bay<br />
leaf; heat.<br />
He strums his beard,<br />
<br />
remembering the poisoned chocolate milkshake,<br />
the sudden piquancy against his tongue,<br />
incredible sweetness.Unknownnoreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3845290915196137316.post-74445374923045315012012-11-30T21:35:00.003+00:002012-11-30T21:35:37.820+00:00#82 - Tomorrow's JFK TheoryIn the book depository there is a sweet apologia<br />
for what Lee Harvey Oswald is about to do,<br />
plus, in the addendum, a recipe to remake<br />
Mr Kennedy's brain. This time,<br />
<br />
he can be a dolphin, clicking and squealing<br />
through the Taiwan straits,<br />
the surface a distant rumour above his blowhole,<br />
refracting moonlight when the phases are right,<br />
frilling in the monsoon winds.Unknownnoreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3845290915196137316.post-46224892507988396232012-11-30T21:29:00.002+00:002012-11-30T21:29:45.620+00:00#81 - Don't Go To SleepKlaus capers about the waterbed like a monkey on elastic,<br />
guffing in his niece's ear as she dozes off,<br />
slapping his young nephew round the chops<br />
and crowing the theme to <i>Thundercats</i><br />
<br />
until both children are crying.<br />
He plays the spoons and yodels<br />
till the veins stand out on his brow.<br />
He flings open the wardrobe, shrieking:<br />
'<i>Out, you bastards!</i> I'll touch you up<br />
with a stanley knife! I'll spell your wives' names<br />
with armpit farts!' thrashing at cagoules,<br />
hockey sticks, a heap of shoeboxes.Unknownnoreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3845290915196137316.post-65338663381079961672012-11-30T21:20:00.000+00:002012-11-30T21:20:07.510+00:00#80 - Five Weeks To The Same You<div class="MsoNormal">
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Yes, you too can have the sleek, vulpine proboscis</div>
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of an unamused academic in less than a week,</div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
without the inconvenience and humiliation</div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
of visiting a library. :-( *BOOOO!*</div>
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<br /></div>
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Simply insert the steel-sprung NoseExtenders™</div>
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into the base of your nostrils, activate</div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
the tiny, whisper-quiet Tensa-Tech™ motors,</div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
and away you g-nose!</div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
Convince your friends that your prejudices</div>
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are undergirded by years of study!</div>
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Bring rooms to a contemplative silence!</div>
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Click <a href="http://www.justgiving.com/100poems/eurl.axd/540cba34a1e45c4b8f463e166669a7b2">here</a> to purchase NoseExtenders™, today!</div>
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Unknownnoreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3845290915196137316.post-64853902564891583122012-11-30T21:08:00.000+00:002012-11-30T21:08:11.834+00:00#79 - AlbertA tiny gentleman with fiddling legs<br />
and dim, fathomless eyes of a newt:<br />
this was Albert, and he knew it.<br />
<br />
He rubbed his palms before a brazierful<br />
of burning toupees and said nothing,<br />
melting marshmallows on the end of a coathanger,<br />
sometimes offering his neighbour<br />
a swig from a brown glass bottle<br />
wrapped in newspaper.<br />
<br />
Once, he said: 'Where do the ladybirds go?'<br />
and another time: 'Another answer, please.<br />
Another answer,' talking to the flames perhaps,<br />
or the bottle, or his twitching right hand.Unknownnoreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3845290915196137316.post-80596235206959619712012-11-30T20:58:00.003+00:002012-11-30T20:58:59.941+00:00#78 - Nothing To Lose But Our MixtapesTwee bellends of the world untie<br />
your sneaker laces, lope onward<br />
in dirty gamboge courdroys!<br />
<br />
When you go over the top,<br />
make sure that you are understated:<br />
if the Vickers fire fails to fell you<br />
fall instead in a hail of apathy.<br />
<br />
Never have so many given so little<br />
in the service of so what.Unknownnoreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3845290915196137316.post-76333860362511813352012-11-30T20:53:00.001+00:002012-11-30T20:53:07.720+00:00#77 - When I Video Call You I Stare At MyselfOn cameraphone, everyone looks pallid.<br />
The living dead cluster round my porchlight,<br />
all hipster shambles and bad dentistry.<br />
<br />
I am at my attic window with a PSG1<br />
and all the time in the world, baby.<br />
Let's talk. When I ask your sign,<br />
<br />
I can hear your atrophied higher brain functions<br />
syruping like earthworms, trying to recall<br />
old pathways and failing, blinded.<br />
<br />
One of these days I will pinch you off<br />
like a threadwart - the immaculate kick,<br />
the punch-through, the drop.Unknownnoreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3845290915196137316.post-84311228150017487672012-11-30T20:44:00.001+00:002012-11-30T20:44:20.835+00:00#76 - How To Break A Poettechnique a)<br />
canister of liquid nitrogen<br />
and a croquet mallet -<br />
try a slow, underarm swing<br />
towards the crotch<br />
for best results<br />
<br />
technique b)<br />
a fingerquotes real job endfingerquotes -<br />
this one requires patience,<br />
though the first stress fractures<br />
ought to show after one or two<br />
days; check beneath the eyes,<br />
around the soul<br />
<br />
technique c)<br />
a quick, surgical incision<br />
in the wallet region -<br />
moths likely collateral<br />
<br />Unknownnoreply@blogger.com0