Simulate learnedness in an instant with
Yes, you too can have the sleek, vulpine proboscis
of an unamused academic in less than a week,
without the inconvenience and humiliation
of visiting a library. :-( *BOOOO!*
Simply insert the steel-sprung NoseExtenders™
into the base of your nostrils, activate
the tiny, whisper-quiet Tensa-Tech™ motors,
and away you g-nose!
Convince your friends that your prejudices
are undergirded by years of study!
Bring rooms to a contemplative silence!
Click here to purchase NoseExtenders™, today!